Bullyproof Your Child - 4 Surprising Ways to Keep the Epidemic of Nastiness from Hurting Your Child

Everyone has mean kids on the brain, and no wonder - recent data show that one in four children reports being a victim of bullying. Home used to be a safe haven, but thanks to technology, a barbed text or tweet can reach a child anywhere, anytime. So what can you do? A lot, says Sela Gaglia, director of the organization Challenge Day, which helps kids deal with social pressures (it was the focus of MTV's recent antibullying reality series, If You Really Knew Me). What she's learned from experience:
* One of the best things to do? Play 20 questions.
Check in with your kids often and you'll be far more likely to spot a bullying problem early. And don't overreact. "When kids know you'll respond calmly, they'll share the scary things," says Gaglia, who regularly asks her 11-year-old son these questions: What's happening on the playground? Do you need support on anything? How can I be a better mom? If you do notice a problem, intervene as soon as it looks like a pattern and not an isolated event, she advises. But talk to your child's teacher or the principal, not the bully's parents. "There's no accountability - and you don't know how they'll react. And remember, your intention is to create a safe environment, not to prove that your kid is right."
* Bullies back away from confident kids.
"Bullies typically avoid a self-assured child because they won't get the scared reaction they want," Gaglia says. Your kid won't be fun to pick on if you encourage him to ignore - or even laugh at - a bully's intimidation tactics. And urge him to ask a teacher for support. "The bully will quickly realize that this kid is too much trouble to bother with."
* Bullies do change.
Challenge Day runs more than 1,000 antibullying programs a year, and 99 percent of the time, Gaglia sees the bullies apologize. Frequently, they also turn into student leaders. "I've watched kids become peer counselors or spearhead programs to help new students transition at school," she says. "Bullies don't realize they can use their power for good until someone wakes them up to it." A great wake-up call? Suggest that a bully be assigned a position of responsibility, like bus monitor or teacher's helper.
* You can keep your child from bullying others.
One of the most common causes of bullying behavior is turmoil at home, says Gaglia - especially divorce. During or after a divorce, "kids often stop talking to their parents about how they're feeling," she explains, "because they're afraid to upset them even more. Instead, they lash out at other kids." You can't prevent tough times from happening, of course, but by making sure your child gets all his emotions out in the open, you can help him from becoming a Draco Malfoy at school.
-Erin Zammett Ruddy